I puked a lego.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
