just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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