a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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