Banned from zoo.
Again?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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