And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
