I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
