All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
