My friends, they love my intelligence
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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