Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
