remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
