Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize