Barsexuality is the new black.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
