the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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