Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
