how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sarcasm needs its own font
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
