these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
