Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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