2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
