So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
