He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
