just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
