Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
