what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
