My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
