remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
