Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
