My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
