two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
