He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
