Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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