Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
