She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
