I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
