I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
