what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
