she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
