you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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