how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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