Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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