Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
