I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
