Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
birth control should be required to get into college
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are all done wearing pants today
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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