the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
