Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
