Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
