Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
