as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
