This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
