Me too!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize