DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
