the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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