Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
