At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
