You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
