why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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