I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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