Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
