Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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