Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
