i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
