I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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