You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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