I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
