I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
