K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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