nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
