I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize